Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Happy Freakin New Year

I haven't written for a while, and that's because I have been basically feeling crappy on a reglar basis.  Tonite I am writing because I am feeling particularly crappy.  The reason for that is "peri-menopause" which, for the record, really SUCKS!  I have decided the reason "god" or "nature" or "evolution" invented this unmentionably gross and disturbing mess, with the full blown psychotic hormonal imbalance that accompanies it, is so that if any children remain at home who are really old enough to be out on their own, this will surely drive them away!  It will also reward the man who has stuck around long enough to still be with "his woman" for all the crap she had to put up with from him through the years.  (It is more likely to drive him into the arms of a younger woman, if he didn't already go there during his midlife crisis).  I am particularly pissed off about this now because I had 2 whole blissful months without "mother nature's gift" and thought I was through with this. It's been like this for what-2 years, now? (seems like 10) All of the woman I know my age (52) and older, and all the ones I know a few years younger than I, have been without this problem for years now. (My best- friend says hers just taper off and quietly disappear -the bitch)  Why am I still there?  Is it the price I pay for getting wrinkles and grey hair 10 years later than everyone else? Hey, how is that fair?  I got a "chest" later than everyone else.  Besides, I started my cycles at a normal 15 years old, and it was tough then, too.  One thing I am VERY EXTREMELY grateful for, is modern day feminine products.  I cannot imagine going through it like this during my grandmother's era, or earlier.  I don't even want to try to imagine it.  I am also grateful that I live alone so that I have been able to stay home, mostly in bed, with the 2 days of paralyzing emptiness and depression I felt, without the pressure of feeling like I was letting anyone down, or in direliction of duties, or needing to act all cute-and-wonderful for anyone.  I am sure it hasn't helped that the sun hasn't been able to poke so much as a ray through the thick grey cloud cover for at least 5 days in a row now (or longer, I've lost track). It has caused me to repeatedly question why I am still here in Minne-snowta, and not in Albuquerque where I wanted to be, and tried to get to. (see previous posts regarding my R.V. ripoff debacle) .  I am praying that God's answer is that I am meant to win the HGTV Dream Home Giveaway (which just happens to be located in my dream city).  Oh, look at the time!  It's been more than 24 hours since I last placed an entry. So, off I go. I am going to give God all the help I can.